Tuesday, April 8, 2014

feelings of bliss and inadequacy

There's nothing like sitting down with your oatmeal, laptop and shampoo bottles and Googling 'what ingredients aren't safe during pregnancy, shampoo" to start your day in a plunging downward spiral of complete inadequacy. Again. 

In the first trimester I kicked myself off Google and sort of adopted this 'I'll do my very best' attitude. When in doubt I'd ask, a real live human woman when I could, or Google. But I didn't rip through my life going 'organic goddess' crazy. And, now of course, I wish I had. Because of one blog post I tripped on yesterday about favorite products during pregnancy. 

It went along as if, duh, normal shampoo is out of the question right now. Wha, what? Sure enough, Bumble and Bumble is doing me in a bad way. And that nail polish remover, for shame. I mean don't get me wrong, I got pregnancy face wash and natural lotion. I thought Dr. Bronner's was good. Turns out, again, nope. 

I did my very best. But like I continually find, that's just not good enough. 


"I can sleep at night because I make my own toothpaste and never eat sugar." 
Of course this 'crazy' stems from somewhere a little more complicated than one woman's blog about her favorite jar deodorant made only of natural oils and smugness. I am one of those women who got a call after her 20 week ultrasound. The call they make only if there's something to report. 

Right as we pulled up to our paradise Palm Springs abode, my doctor told me I have marginal cord insertion. She was chipper. Assuring me it was common, not to worry and to carry on as normal. Everything was great! My little girl is a week ahead in her size and development. She's healthy and everything else is perfect. She just got creative with her cord placement. She thought why not color outside the lines? 

I was frozen in the mini van as everyone swirled around me. I felt blindsided. I'd gone from finally having this complete bliss, happiness, calm to being right back in first trimester mindset. Kicked in the stomach, so much in love, I couldn't imagine what would happen if something went wrong. 

This news did immediately change everything for me. Running? Who gives a tiny rat's arse? I'm still at it, but I don't struggle with "understanding its place in my life right now". It's slow and steady and not about me. And eating? No more laughing it off when I eat junk for a half a day. I'm pounding veggies and fruits and all the good calories I can get. 

My doctor isn't just feeding me bullshit either (except for the "common" part, it's not that common). I'm lucky enough to have two friends who are doctors and both reassured me it's all good. Marginal cord basically means I'll have regular ultrasounds to monitor her growth. It also means at the May ultrasound the cord could have moved closer in as the plancenta grew, or further away from the middle (not ideal, but we'll take it as it comes).

Of course, Marginal Cord also means me thinking about it way too much. And having sudden crushing guilt about weird shit like shampoo. And really trying to get to the place everyone else seems to be, where we aren't worried about this. 

(this probably goes without saying, but if you have a sad story regarding this, please tell it to someone else)

Friday, April 4, 2014

Sunday Runday for Every Mother Counts

This Sunday Oiselle is teaming up with Charity Miles to run miles (and raise money) for EMC. Our goal: 1,000 miles! Which should be easy to reach. That's just 143 people running 7 miles. And with all those long runs going down, I think we can hit 2,000.

It's easy to jump in,

  1. Download Charity Miles
  2. Log in
  3. Choose EMC and start running




I have to admit last November when EMC campaigned for people to use Charity Miles to donate $0.25 per mile every time they ran, I didn't jump in. Well A. I wasn't running that much and B. I really didn't get Charity Miles and C. It was holiday season and I essentially run oiselle.com, soooo yeah headspace was limited.

Turns out all excuses, A, B and C, were lame. It's so simple I'm embarrassed. It took our trip to NYC and hearing Christy Turlington Burns explaining the app to me, to get it. But since you might not have that luxury let me break it down.

Gene Gurkoff, launched the app in 2012. To my understanding out of his own pocket. Now he has sponsors, and is looking for more. But essentially there the money sits (his, theirs, whatever), waiting for you to walk/run/bike it over to your charity of choice.

The App is free, you just download it. Then (and here's the only glitch in the whole shebang) you have to run with your phone. But maybe it's just once a week if you're an unplugged runner… or just this Sunday 4/6 to help Oiselle reach its 1,000 mile goal for EMC. Or maybe you're a music junky like me right now and could run with it every run.

Or as CTB suggested, just turn it on in the AM and go about your day. When you walk with your phone, you're earning money towards a charity of your choice.

The Charity Miles option is open all the time, but this Sunday we're making the big push for EMC. Join in!! How many miles will you go?

Thursday, March 27, 2014

It's a...

Hello from the 31,000 feet up! I’m en route to Palm Springs for a photoshoot with Oiselle. I can’t wait to feel the sun on my skin and bunk with an inspiring gang of women for 3 days.  Tribal gathering of sorts. Or maybe more like rain bird flock flying south to dry out our wings.

Yesterday Owen and I had our 20 week ultrasound. For those who are like me two days ago, this appointment is when  U/S technician measures everything and labels it. We're talking tiny kidneys, head, spin, femur, etc. Preggo lays back back in a dimly lit room with partner seated out of reach and watches in confusion and awe at the baby measurements on the monitor trying to guess if everything looks 'right'. This is also the appointment where they can tell you if it’s a girl or boy.
Office betting pool.

Owen and I had devised a plan to have the technician write down boy or girl so we could read it alone together. I probably heard about this on a blog or one of the baby books I refuse to read anyore. It seemed like a good idea, see specifically last post re:disgust for public weeping.

Two minutes into the appointment I was guessing boy. So was Owen. Five minutes in I couldn’t take it anymore and needed to know. Right then. Owen, used to me changing plans on a dime, smiled and shrugged. So our wonderful tech, who reminded me of Meryl Streep, zoomed her little wand around my belly, and tada… confusing grey baby blur crotch shot… which she could identify as girl parts!

 I’m not some pink or blue crazed human, all I really wanted to see on that ultrasound was a beautiful spine and heart, but it felt very surreal and wonderful to know the little pop-pop in my belly was a she. There’s not much I can know about this baby floating around, unborn, and I’m just dying to know everything. It’s exciting to know one more little detail. Now I need to train myself to refer to her as her, and not it.

We also got to see the 3D of her face too. Which was insane. I expected her to look like every other baby 3D I’ve seen (I can’t tell them apart) but she looked like Owen to me! I mean, she looked like our baby. It might just be how you feel about your own little bug. Because I’m sure you’re like, meh, she looks like a nondescript blurry baby head to me.
After our appointment it was off to work after a quick Poly Clinic lobby break to call parents and grandparents with the news. It was hard to leave Owen, I felt like hanging out all day together just staring at ultrasound pictures. But there was lots to get done before the trip to Palm Springs!

So yeah, back to Palm Springs. We're shooting Oiselle s - w - i - m. Shhh. Stay tuned for updates from the desert, like I said we’re traveling with a seriously rad flock of women: Sally, Katron, Lesko, Meghan, Lauren, Kara and me. Oh and of course our photog #brobird, Amos. Shenanigans to ensue. 
Just landing. This is our real pool!
Follow along: @oiselle_mac and @oiselle on instagram and twitter.

Monday, March 24, 2014

About heart

What a week. Last Thursday we announced to the world that Kara Goucher is joining Oiselle. Reading Kara and Sally's blogs on the partnership were so moving. I just can't shake the chills. 

When I found Oiselle three years ago, I can't describe what I felt other than I believed in it. It was really just Sally at that point, I'd never met anyone like her. I wanted in. In the beginning it was shaky, there was even a time of not being sure we could pay me. But I didn't care. Something was here. And while the apparel was unparalleled I knew it was something bigger; a movement, a tribe. And I learned to trust that I'd found my flock, my family. 

After reading Kara's blog about joining Oiselle, it's obvious, that feeling was there for her too. She knew she belonged at Oiselle, "My heart knew it all along and I am so glad that it was speaking loud enough to finally reach my head."

There's nothing more daring than following your heart. It's not your logic, it has no time for your cynical side, it's open and vulnerable, but it's more powerful than anything. It will lead you to people that become your family. It will create a life you feel connected to. It will push you to do big, huge, gutsy things. 

And in a life, of which you only have one, what else is worth following? 




Sunday, March 23, 2014

second trimester observations

As I've mentioned before, I do some pregnant runner blog stalking. (Investigating is a word I prefer.) So if I know anything about this whole business, it's that everyone's business is different. And comparing pregnancies is impossible. There's a lot I've been surprised by. And some I've been fairly warned about by bloggers and friends.  Adding my experience to the mix, here's my jumbled 'second trimester observations' so far.

My pregnant running life
  • Running pregnant is harder than I thought it would be. I'm eating a lot of humble pie (and real pie) and doing a lot less running than I'd envisioned. 
  • Round ligament pains aren't really painful... more surprising. Like a little electric shock when you touch a lightswitch. I'll be breathing normal, then one big inhale and step at the same time will send off this ZING at the top of my belly. 
  • Belly bras aren't comfortable. Okay that one is not *that* surprising. 



  • Finding a mental focus has been challenging. My running is not really training, it's more for sanity and fresh air. And that message only makes it securely to my brain once in awhile. As the weeks go by though, I'm appreciating it for what it is.
  • I've slowed down a lot. A lot more than a minute per mile. More like 3 minutes per mile. I feel heavy and awkward and out of sync with my body. 
  • I don't enjoy being passed. But now that I'm much more noticeably pregnant, I don't feel the urge to yell out my PRs when some dude shuffles past me. 
  • I miss running with my buddies. I get dropped and left behind. I get stressed out and it's hard to find a talking rhythm with how out of breath I am. Then I get nervous I'm pushing it too hard. So... I'm a lone wolf, on the prowl for a 10 -11 minute mile buddy. 
  • Every day is different. One day I might not make it 2 miles, the next I'm cruising for 8. 



  • I still love it. In the midst of all this change, even just 3 minutes of smooth running (within a 30 minute plod) makes me feel like myself. And once in awhile I still do warm up after a couple miles and settle into some good meditation time, or baby talking/thinking time.

My pregnant life, in general:
  • I'm out of breath all the time. Even just talking, suddenly I'll find myself gasping for air.
  • Headaches are a constant part of my life. 
  • I miss caffeine more than any of the other no-nos. I still have a Nespresso shot every AM or a half caff short at Starbucks. But I miss getting my 2-3 Grandes every morning. 
  • Parts of my body touch other parts. I'll just leave it at that.  
  • I had to buy actual bras, yes, they are A. But they aren't AA training bras. So ... win!(?)
  • Public crying is more of a threat. I hate crying publicly. It's humiliating. And yes, I count 'crying in front of my husband' as public crying. And I don't mean sniff, sniff, tilt my head back and pat the eyes... no I'm talking choking on my own snot, ugly crying. 
  • I'm not 'all belly'. There is a good chance I'm showing more in my butt than my belly. This was especially apparent last week when I left for a run in my Lesley Knickers and Owen couldn't hold back a WOAH! in reference to my booty. Umm.. thanks?
  • Every day is different. For three days I'll be sleeping 11 hours and functioning at a low level followed by a few days where I barely feel pregnant.
  • I have serious acne, and I can't use any of the good chemicals to fight it. 
  • Feeling a baby kicking around... easily the craziest feeling I've ever had. I was unprepared for how completely amazing, bizarre, unnerving, indescribable it is. And it's barely started.

We have our big ultrasound appointment on Wednesday. Where they measure everything and we find out 'she' or 'him'. I'm eager to have that appointment behind us, and hoping to hear good things about our bean's development.

Would love any spoilers from moms ahead of me. What's up next? What were your surprises?

Sunday, March 16, 2014

week 15 and 16

The weeks are picking up speed. Things are busy at Oiselle and suddenly days are flying by. Week 15 my energy was tanking again and I had little to spare. It was work, eat, sleep and workouts fell by the wayside. I tried to maintain a level of momentum, but it was hard.

WEEK 15
One of the hardest days was getting dropped by my running buddies on a runch. I just couldn't keep up. I was straining to keep the pace, feeling awkward and like my belly and body just weren't in sync. Those weird little low belly pulling pains hit again and again. Finally I walked, and watched my buds drift ahead. I felt sorry for myself for a mini moment and then started my run over at my own pace and positive talked my way around the lake slowly.


Yes, I got dropped by a double stroller, but Jen B is super human.... 
WEEK 15 WORKOUTS
monday: x
tuesday: 2.9 run
wednesday: x
thursday: 4 run
friday: 3.3 run
saturday: x
sunday: x
TOTAL MILES: 10.2

WEEK 16
I had a day to sleep in after a long week, and then it was off to NYC for Oiselle to kick off week 16! This conveniently coincided with the return of my energy. I felt like I'd finally cleared that first trimester at last. Or maybe I was high on New York. I think it was the combination of both.

Sally, Katron and I had two days of meetings scheduled with our charity partners, Every Mother Counts. It was two days of invigorating conversation and I left the table each day inspired by their mission and our team.
Pre-Meeting Run! Balmy 16ºF.

At night we were free to play under the blinking lights of Manhattan and may I just say, we ate well. My little sister, Rebekah, is living in NYC and working on a creative team at Ralph Lauren home, so I also got to see her. Living on the opposite coast as my entire family can be really hard and I was craving sister time.
Dinner with the crew: KatieKate, Katron, Mac, Sally and Reb
My favorite moment was when Reb got to  listen to the baby's heartbeat for the first time using my little doppler. Sally secretly captured the moment when she heard the little whoosh, whoosh, whoosh and burst into tears. This picture makes me cry.


Baby check-in on the floor of the Courtyard Marriot. 
The last night we were in NYC, Rebekah and I had an evening of adventuring. I stopped by her office, ran an errand at the 888 Mansion, then we ate our way over to Chinatown to check out the market where you can buy frogs and turtles just as normally as bananas. Then we decided to walk over the Williamsburg Bridge to look back at the city. Hours walking in the 16º night was full of complaints, but I know we both just wanted to extend our time together.

My first Macaron. I blame the baby for my sweet tooth. 
Blending in at the Ralph Lauren 888 mansion.


Should have been wearing my amazing Statue of Liberty foam hat.

After we made it over the bridge we were so frozen we got a cab back to Manhattan. I let Reb out in her hood and continued on to my hotel. Watching my little sis chase the cab laughing and waving, so teeny in this big city, broke my heart. 

We flew back to Seattle late Thursday and I was glad to have a weekend to recover a bit. But the energy is coming back, though there are sleepless nights mixed in that throw me for a loop. 
Only bump pic I took I think, week 16.5

WEEK 16 WORKOUTS
monday: 3 treadmill run
tuesday: 6 mile run with EMC
wednesday: x
thursday: 6 mile run west side hwy
friday: 4 mile run
saturday: x
sunday: 6.7 mile run
TOTAL MILES: 25.6