Monday, January 16, 2017


The other night, day 3,076 of flu in my house, I was flicking through Instagram (apparently trying to keep my insomnia kick going). Green smoothie. Sweaty miles. Core work. Champagne. European cafe. More core work. I felt deflated and an ugly shade of green. Personally, I hadn't washed my hair in five days, and my main activity had been offering my two year old a list of drinks while she said no, no, no in the most heartbreaking monotone. I couldn't sleep, even once she was back in her own bed, because of my over-active anxiety about her breathing. Every sound in the house a signal for me to go check on her. Since December 26th my family has had the flu. It's January 16 and I think we're finally on the other side.

My December of getting strong and balanced wrapped and it was time to start building back. Motivation hasn't been hard to find, but momentum has felt impossible. Every time I stack even two days together they get knocked over. My base building is looking a lot like PJ playing with her giant Legos. 

One selfish positive (knocking on ALL THE WOOD) is that I didn't get it. Not round 1, 2, 3 or 4. It's me and my Lysol against the world. My stomach took a detour one night and I couldn't sleep because of the cramping, but the morning came and it got better. Just a couple days of not being able to eat much more than plain toast. I knocked two days off the schedule but did run 2 miles for sanity one of the nights after bedtime, feeling like a weak little kitten. 

The last week I wrote in my Compete Journal was 12/26. Intention? "Don't get the flu! Run to feel energized, not depleted." Unwritten, don't completely give up even when it's not going well. Luckily I've done work on that life lesson during marathons and marathon training. It came in handy. Finally being able to look at the last three weeks, I only knocked one easy day and one workout off the schedule while full-time momming, nursing, cleaning, client working...and I'm calling that a big win. And an essential win, since running definitely was my lifeline after a long day. It was energizing, not depleting.

A fresh start isn't essential for progress, a messy start does count. Still you know I'll be celebrating the Lunar New Year, Lysol in hand. Happy New Year round two!

Friday, January 6, 2017

Bittersweet '16

Never has a year held so much dichotomy for me. So many high highs and low lows brushing shoulders. Within a week of racing the Olympic trials I was unemployed. The day after my 33rd birthday we left the city I’ve lived in for a decade. The day I planned to announce I’d be racing NYCM I passed out while driving, and spent the night hooked up to heart monitors and machines in the Yakima ER. My biggest week in the training build up never happened because of a level one Hamstring Strain in the first stride of my big workout.

Marathon Bookends: February and November
 There was a lot of joy, sadness, anger, and growing up. I studied grit. I explored what it meant to hinge, rather than break or stubbornly never change course. I learned the hard way how to know when to quit and when to fight. That sometimes working hard and doing my best won't produce the outcome I want it to, and how to be okay with that. That imposter syndrome is very real, and how to hold my head high anyway.

Personally there were shifts to navigate, from new career moves, to new cities, to new race entry statuses. Globally there was sadness and hate swirling; tragedies that knocked the wind out of me and made me question everything. And I didn’t always deal with grace, or poise, or maturity. I leaned on escapism more often than I am proud to say, whether in miles or glasses of wine. Related: I am still learning to deal with stress in a productive and healthy way, but huge thanks to Jasyoga for being part of my emergency plan. 

Exhibitionist interior designer
Self-conscious side bar: I realize, even in the moment of any one of these highs or lows, how surface they are. If I'm on a rollercoaster, it’s still the kiddie one.
I feel like parts of me were broken down this last year, and are starting to be rebuilt in new configurations. And I'm grateful for the ways the universe found to build me back up. Like the life affirming weekend with Oiselle teammates at NE Bird Camp. The new moon ceremony in Zillah with my little sister. David Monti granting me the chance to race NYC. Neely Spence Gracey sitting next to me (the misfit) on the NYCM bus and hearing her talk about her gratitude and love for the sport. Exploring creative writing outlets with Freeplay Magazine, Meter Magazine, and ghost-writing client blogs. Getting to chat with my podcast fave, Nicole Antoinnette. Watching my husband commute 3-4 hours a day and still come home so excited to see us. Seeing my parents and in-laws so in love with PJ (and all the people that surrounded her in love this year). All of the help I get from my in-laws in this new town so that I can work and train. Bottomline, there's a lot of good.

New Moon
I’m excited to stay the course and keep growing, to stay curious, and keep listening. Life is bittersweet, but it’s also very sweet. 

Change the perspective, stay agile, keep growing

And because this is a running blog (per say) not a navel gazing blog… I do have running goals too! I’m excited to finish out my contract year with Oiselle and focus on some shorter (hopefully) faster distances!

Schedule written in very light #2 pencil:
March – St Patty’s Day Dash Seattle
April – SacTown 10M?, Tenacious 10 10K
May – Bloomsday 12K, Beat the Bridge 8k
June – ?
July – Napa to Sonoma Half Marathon