Thursday, August 13, 2015

back to it


During my cool down yesterday I thought about why I'm still training. The OTQ marathon is drifting into the realm of impossible. Or has drifted, it was always borderline. I was always far from a sure shot.

Since June, my knee, my calves, my sinuses, my exhaustion, my baby, my time... yada yada all got in the way of training, or even running most days. And I'm not one for excuses, but the obstacles were insurmountable for a good month. Each week another layer. 

Yesterday I did my first workout in weeks. (Since Rock n Roll?) And it felt so good. But as my A goal drifts, I sometimes wonder what I'm doing. Simply? I love training and racing.

But maybe it also boils down a broader human condition, the two prominent voices in my head at all times. Whether they are talking about me as a mother, wife or friend, or talking about my career, or even running they are always saying...

You are capable of big things. You are irreparably flawed. 

Both push me in different ways. They balance each other on the best days. Although I wouldn't be worse off for listening to that first voice a little more than I do.