Friday, May 30, 2014

grow a mama - week 29

Long time no publish! I have about 5 blog drafts in the cooker, but haven't pulled the trigger in awhile. Mainly because as soon as I write an update everything changes. I'll be all ready to talk about how I'm done running and then go bust out 3 miles. Pregnancy is one hell of a rollercoaster.

Because I could write a novel about the last 6 weeks (and have, but luckily for you haven't published it) let's go with bullet points!

  • Running isn't happening most days. Don't be fooled by Instagram (good life tip). It's not easy, nor am I maintaining a "weekly mileage" or "training plan". Unless 3 miles a week counts. 
Didn't run for nearly two weeks, then after this pic was taken managed a 3 miler!
  • But I'm not giving up! I walk about an hour every day and attempt little running spurts when I can. I'm also running a 5k this Sunday. Operation 'don't become one with the couch' is in full swing. 
  • My goal for the third trimester: keep moving and go to prenatal yoga once a week week. Which I have dubbed fart yoga for the number of times preggers are letting it fly in there. I haven't contributed to the fart party yet, but I know my day is coming. 
  • I asked Lauren Fleshman what's one exercise I should be doing and she said clam shells. When Fleshman speaks, it is done. So daily clam shells it is. 
  • My weight gain is solid. I have never talked about weight on this blog, it's such an arbituary measurement and I don't weigh myself...ever. But since I'm now weighed on the monthly, it should be noted I'm about 27 pounds since the pee dried on the preg test (nice visual). It should also be noted that my doctor had the gall to bring this up in my last appointment and I'm fully ignoring her. Because a. I started out underweight by some standards and b. I'm a healthy BMI for my height and weight...even if I wasn't pregger. Not concerned. 

  • My hips have been replaced with Shakira's. As a previous stick figure this is sort of awesome, until I try to pull on a pair of pants (or jumpsuit) from last summer. Can.Not.Budge past mid thigh.  These hips don't lie. 
This week I attempted to pull this jumpsuit on. Big. Big. Mistake.
  • Cellulite. I have it like woah. 
  • Birth training. This is getting real. Right now I'm interviewing doulas nightly (it feels like) and haven't found one. I guess hiring a complete stranger to be my support during this pretty big overwhelming life event is a little harder than I thought....
Getting her room ready, midcentury modern + desert theme. Dresser was a Craigslist find! Hope we have the same taste...
  • I'm exhausted. And yes, mamas, I know "it's only the beginning". But dammit I just want to sleep through one night without waking up a. in extreme back pain b. because I'm nervous I'm not in the right position (mostly, I'm constantly TRYING to roll on my belly) b. because my heart burn is burning a hole straight through my throat.... baby kicks are the only thing I love waking up for. Has yet to get old. 
  • A specific line around my rib cage is numb and in pain... somehow at the same time. And the only bra I am comfortable wearing is a cotton nursing bra that Fleshman bought me. Also I've had to size up two sizes in all bras because of my giant expanding ribs. Not boobs, those are only up a size. Yep, we went there.
  • I secretely hope my rib cage stays bigger. All fast runners have giant rib cages. 
  • Oh and the boobs, I'd like to keep those too. 
  • I could just list everything that's growing... but let's just say I feel like one of those little toys that you drop into water and it grows (I think there's one called 'Instant Boyfriend' and they should def. make a preggers one). I'm just expanding. Everything is expanding. 
Grow a Mama!
Well there's a lot more to say, but now I feel like we're kind of caught up! I'm going to be 29 weeks this Sunday. Baby girl and I will be run/walking the North Olympic Discovery 5k. Back during week 16 I had this hard plan to run the half marathon. A month later I downgraded to the 10k and now... the 5k is just right. Lesson #1 of pregnancy, every day is different. 

Thursday, May 8, 2014

fiery crashes and/or rose colored glasses

There's a song by Andrew Bird called Fiery Crash. I heard him talk about it on NPR (or somewhere else, I'm not sure and conveniently can't find it right now). When asked what that song was about he explained that it was, in part, about needing to imagine the worst before moving on. Essentially he's vividly imagining the flight he's waiting to board going down in a fiery crash to cope with flying.

I completely identify with that coping behavior. I have to imagine the bottom falling out before moving on. The trick is moving on. I can be debilitated by constantly replaying 'the worst scenario' until there is no room for reality or 'the best scenario' to enter my mind.

It's almost as if dealing with obstacles is more comfortable than dealing with success or even just smooth sailing. A reliance on challenge and difficulty is something I have to constantly, conciously move away from. There is still challenge to be had in the midst of non-chaos.


Smooth sailing is bathroom selfies


Right now I'm consiously transitioning into the reality that things are going well with our baby. Worry has taken too much of the past few months, and while I know I can't squash worry entirely I don't want to let it invade the good. I don't want to look back and see this time wasted completely on worry.

We had our first ultrasound to measure our baby's growth since being told she/we had Marginal Cord Insertion. At the 20 week, when the Marginal Cord was discovered, she was in the 58% percentile for size and weight (already a little big). Now at the start of 25 weeks she's in the 76%. And the cord is closer to the center of the placenta (as the placenta grew over the last 5 weeks the edge got further away). The fear of her growth being stunted just doesn't seem to be panning out. Girl is getting big!  


go, baby girl, go



I'm putting on my rose colored glasses here for a bit and adjusting my view. Yes, I'll always be a hyper-realist, and a worrier. But when the picture of reality includes positives, why not absorb and reflect them back along with the rest?

The reality is we're having a baby. So far we know she's a girl with the most adorable little face I've ever seen and she'll be here in August. I'm pregnant and I'm doing my best every day to be the best mama and the best me. The rest... I'll deal with as it comes.


Baby room inspiration and my reminder to breath and relax. Photo cred Tycho