dressed for success, or, why I'm not wearing pants

When I was a naive 20 weeks pregnant I went out and bought some maternity jeans and a few shirts. Perfect, I thought, maternity clothes aren't so bad. Now at 32 weeks, I laugh at that preggo so smug with her handful of Gap Maternity.

I'm over 5'9" and all torso. I know, I know, stop bragging! It's a enviable build. All the height and none of the legs. People are like, that girl has torso for days! And check out those monkey arms! Bow chica ow ow.

As my belly grows straight out it's becoming impossible to dress. All my shirts hit my belly button then tent out a couple inches from there. Yes, my maternity shirts. I bought an adorable maternity dress online, on the model it hit maybe an inch above her knee, on me it's obscenely short. I can't move without showing the world most of my arse.

Before you say it, yes, I have that belly band thing. But between the elastic band on my jeans, the elastic belly band, a shirt and the nearly 40 extra pounds (yes, really)... I'm ready to claw my way out of all the layers around 3pm. When I get home there are no longer just shoes by the front door. Ev.er.y.thing is coming off before the door even swings shut.

This nearly nude dresscode at home means once I'm there the motivation to put real clothes back on to do anything is completely gone. This is how husbands end up doing errands for their pregnant wives. It's not that pregant women are too tired, or lazy, it's because we aren't wearing pants. And new episodes of Wilfred and Orange is the New Black are on Netflix. Pass the Lucky Charms. 

This is the situation... basically. 

Comments

  1. I instituted a pants-less summer... I'm going to see how long I can go without putting on a pair of pants (I've decided shorts are acceptable), because I hate pants and I'm not even pregnant! So I definitely can't blame you. Also, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that throws all her bobby pins onto the straps of her bathing suit!

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    1. Pants schmants. And I have totally rust stained a bathing suit waistband with my bobby pin storing habit. Beware the light colored suits.

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  2. ohmygosh, WILFRED! just saw the new episodes up last night and almost lost my mind {husband had to remind me we had a sleeping baby one room over}.

    "no-pants weekends" are a pretty regular gig in our house, but the summer time calls for no-pants WEEKS. so.

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    1. Riiight?! I am trying not to blow through the whole season of Wilfred in a day like I normally do. It helps that I'm also the last person on earth to be making my way through Mad Men. Me and Netflix and inseparable basically.

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    2. You're not the last to be watching Mad Men! I've been binge watching since May

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  3. I have a friend who is pregnant and she lives in maxi skirts! Comfy, cool and stylish!

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    1. I gotta get some of those! I was shying away from maxi dresses because they make me feel HUGE, but I'm over that. Bring on the maxi lifestyle.

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  4. I just don't wear pants anyways...I'm not sure what this means if I ever pregnant. You are fabulous.

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  5. What Hollie said! I am not even pregnant & it would still be ALL PANTS-LESS, ALL THE TIME if I thought my co-workers would be cool with it. Live it up, I say! :)

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  6. You look amazing in that suit! I gained an enviable 60 pounds when I had Maple. And pants are overrated.

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  7. LOVE! Yes, and in any sort of heat, pants are the worst thing in the whole world. I wore lots of skirts and dresses to the office when I was pregnant. Pants were the WORST! And those giant nude colored panels? Who designs these things anyways?

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  8. Hilarious, love it! I agree, all the sausaging layers become so frustrating, and we already talked about how I agree maxi doesn't normally feel "normal."
    I had to live in forever 21 xl spaghetti strap tanks since my maternity shirts did that tenty thing too. Really weird when you can't tell have your gut is out in the breeze.

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  9. CACKLE! I remember it well...

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  10. This sack dress was my favorite when I was super pregnant:
    http://www.zappos.com/gabriella-rocha-liliana-coral

    Pregnant summer was the hottest summer ever. :( I also crazy swollen so my regular shoes were not workin'.

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  11. I'm right with you, lady. I do not want to buy any more maternity clothes and at 20 weeks, I'm not sure I'm going to get much more use from what I have. The kids are wondering why I undress the moment I get home from work. Layers while pregnant in summer? The worst.

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