pregnancy thoughts v.2 + what's ahead on running starfish

Like every enormously personal journey that's also completely universal (break-ups, weddings, death) it's hard for me to write about. I mean, over 250 babies are born every minute, but none of the them affected me like this one.
the only picture I have so far. (sigh)

I must have passed out during class when we went over how a baby is made. I mean I got the basics (bow chica ow ow), but the whole tiny ball of cells splitting and becoming a human step by step part is mindblowing. The more I read in those first weeks the more improbable the entire thing seemed. But then again, it happens all the time. *see 250 babies born a minute.*

But even with all these babies, each woman seems to enter pregnancy nearly blind. Nearly every woman I've ever talked to says, no one ever told me about ____. And maybe some of it is just not talked about, it's not like a preggo is going to launch into how constipated she is right after you say congratulations! But it's also because just as amazing as a tiny bundle of cells turning into a full size human is, every woman's experience hosting this cell bundle is completely different. I have stalked enough baby blogs, bump pics and (terrifying) mommy forums in the past weeks to prove this thesis.

So I'm throwing my hat in the ring. I'm ready to be one more unique volume to add to the universal collection of Making a Baby. Not that I'm very actively doing much, so more accurately Hosting a Baby.

Because that's the main job right now, of course, being a good host. Making sure the guest is happy, well fed, comfortable. Keeping the mood positive even in moments I'm overwhelmed and terrified I've... over cooked the roast. Okay, this metaphor is falling apart.

To join the cries of 'things no one ever told me'... no one every told me how much anxiety was involved. From what I saw, pregnancy was a blissed out earth mama rubbing coconut oil on her perfect growing belly and talking about how this was 'the best time of her life'. I didn't see her looking at the clock at 3am the day before her 13 week checkup, sweating and hoping everything was going well, because at 8 weeks she had already fallen in love with the little heartbeat and if it wasn't there tomorrow she'd literally dissolve on the spot.

Managing this anxiety is hard boardline impossible for me. Trusting my body wouldn't go under the list of things I'm naturally good at. But I'm getting there with help from the women around me. And I couldn't have a bigger, stronger, more truthful tribe of women in my life. They are eternally patient and at least one talks me off the ledge every day.

Just a little section of my tribe. The photographer's shadows are loved too. runZoerun and Owen. 

I hope to add an honest account of the weeks ahead of my life as 'pregnant me'. So if you're (ever) pregnant you can do what I did and find this blog by Googling "Pregnant runner at 15 weeks" or "When will I get pregnancy boobs?" or "Where is my uterus supposed to be at 1:32pm of week 13.5?"

My plan is to run throughout pregnancy. To eat well. I'll be trying meditation and yoga for anxiety. And I will be crying through most anything on TV for stress release. I almost choked sobbing through the end of Little Miss Sunshine the other night, no I hadn't even watched the whole thing. But if you're 14 weeks preggo watching that little family push their van out of the beauty pageant parking lot is life threatening beautiful. Yep, that's what we're in for... 


  1. Congratulations! Our bodies are an amazing thing! Relax and remember that you just need to take care of yourself to take care of your baby, right now.

  2. congratulations! it really is the best time... until baby arrives and then THAT'S the best time. enjoy it (the good and the not-so-good) with the same humor and perspective you always seem to have with life. i'm sure you will make a great host. ;)

  3. Congratulations! I'm really excited to read about your journey :)

  4. Oh man, every time I cried I had a gusher nose bleed, talk about unusual pregnancy hormones! When we met our doula I cried and bled all over my shirt, at a restaurant! Bodies are weird. Just trust. Trust. Trust. Don't over-Google! Love you!

  5. Congrats! I am excited to follow your journey! Babies are such a blessing!

  6. I have always enjoyed how honest, open and just hilarious your blog is. I cannot wait to follow along this next adventure with you!

  7. I tried to be open and honest in my blog posts about discussing pregnancy as well. I feel I had this warped view of how amazing it would be. I feel I need to keep it real on the blog and in real life. Kudos to you to staying true to yourself and being honest about pregnancy. It is a nerve-wracking road, for sure! But it is definitely worth the wait. :)

  8. The coco butter idea...cracked me up! It's so true! I like the idea of being a good host. I've tried to raise my voice less while teaching, and to take several deep breaths when I get frustrated with students. It's funny how things shift!


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