turns out honey badger does give a sh*t...

Sunday's half marathon was surrounded by sense of importance, a sense that I needed to define my running. Exactly why Sunday, and that race, I can't tell you. Maybe it's because I have a blog and I wanted to show a picture of my mind leading up to the race but everytime I tried to get my mental state to stand still it would morph. The snapshot was impossible. Why couldn't I just sum it up? It's only running.

I kept thinking back to September when I realized I didn't want to try and pass for nothing anymore. But something else stuck with me over the weeks, and I'm a little apprehensive to say what it is... it's a quote from Without Limits one of the Pre movies (Crudup not Leto). Bowerman looks up at the team on the first day of the season and says,

"Running, one might say, is basically an absurd past-time upon which to be exhausting ourselves. But if you can find meaning, in the kind of running you have to do to stay on this team, chances are you will be able to find meaning in another absurd past-time: Life." 

Who the hell knows if Bowerman, or anyone ever said this about running in real life. But those words have been hanging around me. And today, as my car crawled across the viaduct, it clicked. That might be the most accurate reason that it's hard to sum up the importance of running or the bigness of it. It's as ridiculous as life.
 
When I was younger, my grandfather told me a story. He told me when he woke up one morning, around the time he'd turned 25, he understood life. He understood his place in it, his role and the cause and affect of things. He just simply understood. The whole mess lined up.

Maybe that happens for white men. I'm kidding. But really when he told me this story I was 22 and my whole life felt like it was blowing up in some crazy quarter life crisis. I had no idea what life was or even what I wanted it to be. And I still don't. 25 came and went without any epiphany. But once in awhile I put a couple pieces together.

I'm 28 going on 29 and I'm running again after I had finally being able to turn my back on the sport for a few years. Of course now I realize I never walked away. Although last year if you'd asked me if I'd be gunning for a sub 1:20 half I'd have laughed. 1:20 is some sort of tipping point for me. It's an arbitrary number really, but it makes me feel full of possibility now that I've cracked it. And I didn't have to go to hell and back to do it. It wasn't effortless, but I didn't dig all the way down to the pain place to find it.

So basically I haven't figured out what running will be for me, but I know I care. And maybe that's all I need to know for now.


Comments

  1. sub 1:20 is VERY impressive.
    congratulations. you look so strong on that picture!

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    1. Thanks Caroline! Excited to meet you in August!

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  2. Awesome picture and sub-1:20 is beyond my wildest dreams - I'll never get there. Pretty awesome that you can!!!

    I had a whole discussion with LFT about why I care about running and if it was weird/crazy and so on and so forth.

    You're head and shoulders above me, but thanks for writing this. Makes me feel a little better about caring about the crazy thing...

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    1. Girl, we all see someone who's a level we'll never be. I'm glad you and I can embrace our love for this sport right where we are!!

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  3. i love this post. thank you for writing it, and for sharing. it sings to me on so many levels and i just hung onto every word. i don't have it figured out either (life OR running), but i do know i care. and i think that's enough. cannot wait to meet you at htc!

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    1. Thank you! I'm glad I'm not alone. I can't wait to meet you too!

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  4. great post. sometimes I feel like I want running to be more, and sometimes I feel I want it to be less. Be either way, it's important to me. It's a volatile relationship at times...but many aspects of life are. I think you hit the nail on the head... you care. Sometimes you may care more, and sometimes less... depending on what else in life is happening.

    Congratulations on your race, truly amazing!

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    1. I know what you mean. Totally volatile relationship...but here we all are. Better or worse :)

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  5. Oooh, honey badger! That's nasty!
    No wait, that's totally awesome. You speak the truth girlfriend. I say keep on rockin' on! You can always eat snakes and dirt on your rest days. Love ya!

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    1. Oh my gawd, gross, she's going for another pr. look at her run in slowmotion...

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  6. Great post, Sarah! Totally know what you mean: sometimes you can't put words to a certain experience but you still completely acknowledge the bigness of it and that alone is good enough. That alone is enough to seal it into your memory. And one day, many years from now, you'll stumble upon this memory and it will bring a smile to your face. All without any words. Congrats on sub 1:20!

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  7. YESSSSSSSSSS!!!! Love this post! You are so tough in that pic and I'm so happy you found your love again. You rock and I CAN'T WAIT to be back in Seattle in a month!

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  8. What a great post. Congratulations on a sub-1:20! I think that picture is awesome - strong, determined, laying it all out there...

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  9. You did awesome in Eugene! A sub 1:20 HM is VERY impressive- You are my new idol!

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    1. Thank you. Loved your Eugene recap. The marathon is a beast, I feel your pain. Way to 'gut' it out.

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  10. Very inspiring! Thanks. And a big congratulations.

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  11. wow. congrats on the sub 1:20 and insane action pic. very inspiring. looking forward to HTC :)

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  12. What a great post! Since I've had my kids I've often had those "why do I bother with this pointless selfish sport" moments. Why do I go without sleep to run in the snow in the dark? Why do I let my kids cry when they don't want me to leave? Why do I make myself hurt when I'm so tired and beat down without running some days? But when I think about giving up I can't do it. It FEELS so meaningful to me. I am better because of my running. When I run I am striving and willing my way to discovering my potential. It brings me back to metaphysics class when we discussed existentialism: running, especially training to be your best, that striving IS living. And everything we learn about ourselves in that process makes us better.

    Sorry for the book, but you got the gears churnin'! Congrats again on a great race! This is just the beginning!!!

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  13. Congrats on a sub 1:20! That's amazing. I'm the same age as you and I didn't have life figured out at 25 (and still don't).

    Any chance that sweet tank is available for sale or is it just a team oiselle race singlet? Love the color combination.

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